Powerfully Positive “No” and Working Toward a Successful “Yes” Agreement

Contrary to ancient wisdom, the customer is not always right. Certainly a customer must be valued, because without them there can be no business. In many circumstances saying “No” to a client may be the right thing for your business and your ability to serve that client successfully in the future. The challenge arises because the difficulty in saying “No,” whether to a client, an associate or a vendor, encompasses the tension between exercising your power and nurturing your relationship.

So how can we say “No” and expect a desirable outcome? You may be familiar with the work of author William Ury and his book, “Getting to Yes.” Ury works with the Harvard Negotiation Project and is the creator of the win-win negotiation strategy. From his recent book, “The Power of a Positive No,” we can learn how to maintain our core values, respect others, communicate our interests effectively and protect principles valuable to us.

It’s difficult to say “No” because it means risking losing the sale or the client, damaging a relationship or even putting your job in jeopardy. Beware of the three “A” traps:

accommodation: a “Yes” that buys a false or temporary peace

attack: usually a response born out of anger and, as Laurence J. Peter said, “makes the best speech you’ll ever regret”

avoid: when we choose not to say “Yes” or “No” to possibly avoid disapproval and very likely cause angered responses. Avoidance is also physically and mentally unhealthy and can lead to ailments such as high blood pressure and anxiety.

Sound familiar? It did to me. Through understanding and accepting these typical forms of behavior, we can be educated to a different and healthier response mode.

Preparing a response is done in three parts. First, craft a “Yes” statement that clearly expresses your interests. This would be internally focused and an affirmation of values important to you. Second, create a “No” that will exert power. Rooted primarily in your principles, you can say “No” and establish or clearly define your boundaries. Your strategic focus is defined by your saying “No.” You must protect what you value, and you can do that and still show respect for the other person. The third part would be “Yes,” said a second time that is crafted to further your relationship.

Spend some time soul searching. To find your core values or reasons for saying “No,” you need to self-diagnose. Dig down a few levels to uncover your core beliefs and interests. Do this by continuing to ask “Why?” You will discover the motivators behind your positions.

To bring the importance of this concept into perspective, think about your approach to negotiation strategy. To make win-win progress, focus on discovering the real interests of the other party. By determining what points are truly of interest to them, you may be able to offer solutions or mutual accommodations that will satisfactorily further both your interests. When you know your core value or interest, you may be in a position to concede something to the other party that may satisfy them but not inhibit your success.

When you are comfortable with your values, you will be better suited to keep your emotions in check. Then you can turn your emotions into resolve, just like champion athletes often do as they realize that properly directed emotions are the foundation of tremendous motivational power. Your positive intentions grow out of your emotions, and it’s the emotion behind the logic that drives decision making.

Ury tells us that the challenge in saying “No” is to express your needs, interests, desires or concerns and not the neediness. Be prepared when you plan to use your “No” statement. Always know your “BATNA,” which is your best alternative to a negotiated agreement. You may call it “Plan B,” which is what you are going to do to help assure your interests are respected in the event the other party does not cooperate. Having an articulated and acceptable Plan B will give you the power to meet your own interests. You can be empowered to say “No” when appropriate and this will affirm your “Yes.”

Ury’s book about a positive “No” covers how best to conclude your negotiation to achieve a mutually satisfactory agreement. The “No” you expressed will probably be construed as a rejection, so you don’t want to terminate the discussion there, assuming you prefer to continue the relationship. As you may be closing one door, you want to be sure to open a second door. At this juncture, you can assert real value and make progress that may not have been possible before.

After hearing the “No,” frustration will probably occur to the other party which may result in anger and diminish your chances for an agreeable conclusion. What can you do with that negative energy? Make a positive proposal. Express a common “Yes” that will show respect for the interests of the other party. Your ability to recognize and satisfy the other’s interests will facilitate a mutually acceptable agreement assuming your interests will be met as well.

After the suggested agreement, the other party will now have the opportunity to express a “No” to you. This is certainly a risk that the negotiation may break down. You can feel comfortable that you expressed your “No” and you fairly gave the other the same chance. If he feels he was persuaded unfairly, negative feelings may persist and ruin the possibility of a joint agreement. There is an old adage that says “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Manipulation by talking someone into something if they really don’t accept the value and agree is not a successful long-term strategy.

At the point both parties have expressed their “No”s and established what will not be done, the opportunity is ripe for developing creative options for mutual gains. Try brainstorming at this point to determine mutually acceptable alternatives. What could you suggest that doesn’t cost more money? For example, you may agree on a later delivery. Or possibly you can change the venue by making a conference call now instead of waiting for a personal visit. There are many possibilities if you have agreed that you want to agree. Your trust level should increase since both sides have mutually expressed acceptable limits or values.

You may want to reach accommodation by stipulating some conditions required, such as an “if-then” agreement. You would state the conditions under which you can agree and say “Yes.” This can be as simple as a price reduction based on volume offered. Possibly you could suggest a time out or cooling off period to re-group your thoughts. Emotions will play a part in the negotiations and you don’t want to make decisions that will be regrettable later on. Ury suggests “going to the balcony,” described as a mental place of perspective, calm and self-control. How often have we arrived at more appropriate solutions when given some time to reflect?

A client recently informed me that he had an over-inventory position and needed to immediately suspend planned production. We had raw materials on hand to support the expected orders and further we had supplies ready to be shipped that were covered by a blanket purchase order where items were to be shipped upon request. Our long-time supplier for this item, thread in this case, visited with me and our purchasing manager. I explained the situation whereby we would not need the previously ordered items at this time and unfortunately I could not give an exact date as to when the supply would be needed. I also used the opportunity to ask why we used a blanket purchase order, as there was no price discount and lead time was not an issue.

But this put the thread vendor at risk as he prepared to ship upon our release, which we did not give. I didn’t want to abuse the relationship, but technically there was no requirement for specific performance on our part as the purchaser. If we didn’t call for the release, the vendor could be holding the inventory. We agreed since there was no lead-time issue that we would not issue blanket purchase orders for this product in the future. By discussing our parameters of what would be our “No” and “Yes” in addressing our business needs, we were able to agree and avoid the same problem in the future.

In your negotiations, you have the ability to remain in control and respect your interests and values as well as those of the other party. By learning to access and utilize tools invented and tried by others, you have the opportunity to add to your own arsenal of talents. You will enhance your ability to fashion long-lasting and successful solutions that will benefit your company and assure the valuable support of clients and vendors in pursuit of mutual goals.

Joseph Greco is president of Greco Apparel.
You can visit them on the web at www.grecoapparel.com.